I was using the workbook for my EMT class when I couldn't help but notice how stupid some of the potential answers for multiple choice questions are. Here are some gems, stated as a complete sentence, with the answer portion bolded. Comments in parentheses.
When a patient begins to vomit, it is essential that you have a blood pressure cuff ready to go at the patient's side.
To determine a patient's skin temperature, the EMT-B should listen carefully with a stethoscope.
During the assessment of an infant or child patient avoid eye contact at all times.
(that's how they consume your soul)
If a patient stands in a corner of the room with fists clenched and screaming obscenities, you should challenge the patient in an attempt to calm him.
When suctioning a newborn insert the syringe about 22 inches into the baby's mouth.
(You'll know you've done it correctly once you penetrate the skull and see it coming out the back of the head.)
3.14.2008
3.09.2008
A lovely day of SWAT training
The Cap'n and I headed out to the boonies today to play in SWAT trainings. This was my second SWAT training experience, but last time we were working with the new guys and no TEMS (tactical EMS) medics. This time we were playing with the seasoned SWAT officers and three TEMS medics.
So this is how their trainings work for us... we show up at some strange location and basically play paintball with the SWAT team. It pretty much rocks. Today we were in a big field and I played the daughter of a crazy man screwing up the DNC by wielding a knife and parking in the middle of the road with his two kids in the back, the getaway driver for a pair of bank robbers, and a hooded hostage.
I was hoping to get shot by one of their special paintball/bullet things because on Tue. I'm playing patient for a paramedic class and I wanted them to freak out if I was a trauma pt. and they had to strip me down and see huge welts... I figured it would add to the realism. Unfortunately I was only shot once in the back by one of the bank robbers and I was wearing a bullet proof vest at the time so I didn't even feel it.
So this is how their trainings work for us... we show up at some strange location and basically play paintball with the SWAT team. It pretty much rocks. Today we were in a big field and I played the daughter of a crazy man screwing up the DNC by wielding a knife and parking in the middle of the road with his two kids in the back, the getaway driver for a pair of bank robbers, and a hooded hostage.
I was hoping to get shot by one of their special paintball/bullet things because on Tue. I'm playing patient for a paramedic class and I wanted them to freak out if I was a trauma pt. and they had to strip me down and see huge welts... I figured it would add to the realism. Unfortunately I was only shot once in the back by one of the bank robbers and I was wearing a bullet proof vest at the time so I didn't even feel it.
3.03.2008
Oh my god.
I was adopted at birth. My birth mother was 16, and my birth father was 18. My birth father worked with a man whose wife was rendered infertile by some investigative IUD. So an arrangement for an open adoption was made. I was adopted at birth, and my parents were always extremely honest about the adoption. There was never a point in my life that I did not know I was adopted, and I coped with it extremely well.
Fast forward to now. On Friday I was on the 6 pm news because the DMV is screwing me over. My entire birth family, including my birth mother, saw me. Her parents called my dad while I was at work. They were elated. They want to meet me. My birth mother wants to meet me.
Here's the kicker....
My birth mom is a nurse.
Can you believe it?
Fast forward to now. On Friday I was on the 6 pm news because the DMV is screwing me over. My entire birth family, including my birth mother, saw me. Her parents called my dad while I was at work. They were elated. They want to meet me. My birth mother wants to meet me.
Here's the kicker....
My birth mom is a nurse.
Can you believe it?
3.01.2008
The Most Dangerous Thing I've Seen Someone Do.
One time I was at a house party. We were in the backyard and the homeowner noticed that some of his trees' branches were resting on a power line, and he commented that he should cut the branches soon.
"No problem! I'll do it right now! I'm an arborist," replies random extremely stoned and wasted hippie.
So the wasted/stoned arborist gets a chainsaw, climbs the tree about 20- 30 ft., and starts cutting the branches.
Hmm... a very intoxicated man climbing a significant height and operating a chainsaw within close proximity to a power line.
He was fine.
"No problem! I'll do it right now! I'm an arborist," replies random extremely stoned and wasted hippie.
So the wasted/stoned arborist gets a chainsaw, climbs the tree about 20- 30 ft., and starts cutting the branches.
Hmm... a very intoxicated man climbing a significant height and operating a chainsaw within close proximity to a power line.
He was fine.
2.25.2008
"Reborn babies" give me the hee-bee-jeebies.
To each their own, I guess. The following pictures are not of newborns, dead or alive. They are of dolls. Freaky dolls that women spend hours upon hours creating from the templates of existing dolls. I don't know why I always end up finding stuff like this.
"Lucy hat ihren Körper mit der Nabelschnur behalten den ich nur komplett neu gewichtet habe Gefärbt habe ich sie wieder wie alle meine Babys mit hochwertiger und ungiftiger Künstlerölfarbe und feine Äderchen bekam sie auch gezeichnet. " (yeah... no idea what that means)
"With the smooth smelling lotion what they will bring along you can wash and restyle the hair. Her nose has been opened and underlaid carefully so that the filling cotton will not be seen. She has got humanlike (with capillary veins) green mouthblown German glasseyes from Lauscha."
"What a handy tool! I use this on the warm doll head to catch the edge of the eye after squeezing the face to allow this... It's smooth rounded edges are perfect for safetly catching the edge and releasing the eye so it can be easily removed with no scratches."
"Only a premium angora mohair that's dyed in a beautiful medium brown was used by micro-rooting Stacy's hair. To achieve such a realistic look, it took over 30 hours. With her hair sealed You'll be able to come and style her hair the way you want. "
Oh... so this is why I have nightmares.
"Lucy hat ihren Körper mit der Nabelschnur behalten den ich nur komplett neu gewichtet habe Gefärbt habe ich sie wieder wie alle meine Babys mit hochwertiger und ungiftiger Künstlerölfarbe und feine Äderchen bekam sie auch gezeichnet. " (yeah... no idea what that means)
"With the smooth smelling lotion what they will bring along you can wash and restyle the hair. Her nose has been opened and underlaid carefully so that the filling cotton will not be seen. She has got humanlike (with capillary veins) green mouthblown German glasseyes from Lauscha."
"What a handy tool! I use this on the warm doll head to catch the edge of the eye after squeezing the face to allow this... It's smooth rounded edges are perfect for safetly catching the edge and releasing the eye so it can be easily removed with no scratches."
Oh... so this is why I have nightmares.
2.24.2008
My first clinical
So last night I had my first clinical, helping out with triage in the ED. I was pretty anxious about it, not just about making mistakes. I was also concerned that by the end of my shift I would be like "screw this, I don't want to go into this field," and although I'm young, I've already completely dedicated about 3 full years to this goal and I would have no idea what I would want to get into besides EMS.
It didn't go that way at all. It totally reaffirmed my devotion to the field. I love talking to such a wide range of people with such a wide range of problems... the 1-year-old with pink eye, the bawling, drunk lady who got beat up in a bar fight... the cheery 92-year-old woman who slipped and fell... the 21-year-old developmentally disabled girl carrying her teddy bear and complaining of ear pain... the hefty middle-aged man with a staph infection and surgical complications. I absolutely loved it.
My second patient was a middle-aged man in excellent shape. He dropped a 400 lb. dough mixer and it gashed his shin on the way down before landing on his right foot. This man must have had an extreme tolerance to pain because he walked in (albeit slowly and with a limp) and sat down, completely calm and polite the entire time. This was especially amazing considering he had a recently diagnosed stress fracture in his left foot. Poor guy; I hope that the new injury wasn't too bad.
A couple of minutes later a young man was wheeled in, slumped over, shirtless and pale. He had crashed into a tree and for some reason he had been treated by paramedics on scene but his family drove him to the hospital. His family said his shoulder and humerus were broken, and indeed he still had an air splint on his upper arm and a barf bag on his lap.
His head was slumped over and he was shivering as I started to take his blood pressure. He was obviously in an extreme amount of pain, and he started heaving a little bit.
"Sir, are you okay?"
"Yyy...yeah... I'm just a little... nauseous."
At this point I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to be puked on. I had known it would happen sooner or later, and this was it.
Miraculously, he managed to avoid vomiting the entire time I took his vitals. No word on when or if he puked on someone else.
It was a good night. I had a great preceptor who was eager to teach and happy to hand me the reins. I wasn't hit, pissed on, yelled at or puked on. I obtained vitals with ease, and learned a lot.
I can't wait until I get to work in the back.
It didn't go that way at all. It totally reaffirmed my devotion to the field. I love talking to such a wide range of people with such a wide range of problems... the 1-year-old with pink eye, the bawling, drunk lady who got beat up in a bar fight... the cheery 92-year-old woman who slipped and fell... the 21-year-old developmentally disabled girl carrying her teddy bear and complaining of ear pain... the hefty middle-aged man with a staph infection and surgical complications. I absolutely loved it.
My second patient was a middle-aged man in excellent shape. He dropped a 400 lb. dough mixer and it gashed his shin on the way down before landing on his right foot. This man must have had an extreme tolerance to pain because he walked in (albeit slowly and with a limp) and sat down, completely calm and polite the entire time. This was especially amazing considering he had a recently diagnosed stress fracture in his left foot. Poor guy; I hope that the new injury wasn't too bad.
A couple of minutes later a young man was wheeled in, slumped over, shirtless and pale. He had crashed into a tree and for some reason he had been treated by paramedics on scene but his family drove him to the hospital. His family said his shoulder and humerus were broken, and indeed he still had an air splint on his upper arm and a barf bag on his lap.
His head was slumped over and he was shivering as I started to take his blood pressure. He was obviously in an extreme amount of pain, and he started heaving a little bit.
"Sir, are you okay?"
"Yyy...yeah... I'm just a little... nauseous."
At this point I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to be puked on. I had known it would happen sooner or later, and this was it.
Miraculously, he managed to avoid vomiting the entire time I took his vitals. No word on when or if he puked on someone else.
It was a good night. I had a great preceptor who was eager to teach and happy to hand me the reins. I wasn't hit, pissed on, yelled at or puked on. I obtained vitals with ease, and learned a lot.
I can't wait until I get to work in the back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
